I hold your hand in danger and I feel no fear.

In it will be all of the things I want to say to you but won’t, because you don’t deserve to know. I’ll tell you everything. I’ll tell the truth. I’ll admit to my faults, and condemn you for yours. I’m going to write them all down, seal them in an envelope, and address it to a random address in the city you now live in. I’m going to put postage stamps on it, and no return address. I’ll walk to the post office, drop the letter through the blue door, and go about my life. I’m not going to spend any more time thinking about you, talking about you, looking at photos of us, reworking the story, remembering everything, and wishing I could forget. I’m not going to have to wonder anymore. I’m going to assume if you were meant to get my letter, you did. I will assume, forever, that you knew all of the facts, and stayed away anyway. It will be over, and I will be okay.

you always find me, even in the dark of night.

I hope some day you find someone. A friend, a significant other, it doesn’t matter. I hope you love this person. I hope you finally know the feeling of caring for someone more than anyone in the world. I hope for once in your life you know the feeling of loving someone more than you love yourself. I hope they complete you. I hope you find what you’ve been looking for. I hope they’re everything I never could have been.

I hope they leave. I hope that in the middle of the night you’re on the receiving end of that phone call. The end that cannot speak. The end that sits stunned and alone. I hope you get to hear someone you tell you that they’re leaving. I hope someone you love leaves and never returns. I don’t hope this so that you may know how I felt. I hope this so that after it happens, there is a chance you’ll never do it to another person again.

I would forgive
every other promise
you ever broke

If you would keep
the very last promise
you ever made

Today I saw someone, he looked like you.
Maybe he didn’t, but I saw you in him.
It took me so off guard, like seeing a ghost.
Needless to say, I’ve got you on my mind.

You’re somewhere out there. Somewhere with your handsome smile and rough hands. You’re talking about something or someone you love, and your eyes are lighting up. You’re laughing and saying “uh” before every other phrase. Whatever you’re doing, and wherever you’re doing it, you’re not still. You never were. You’re scratching you’re head, pushing your hair back with your hand, rubbing your shoulder, tapping your foot. You’re wearing white tee shirt. You’re wearing blue jeans with your suspended California driver’s license, a condom, and a few dollars in a leather wallet in the back left pocket and a pack of Marlboros in the front right. You’ve smoked a few already, but you’ll have two to four more before today is over, depending on what time zone you’re in. There’s no telling where you are, or where you’ve been, and not even you know where you’ll be tomorrow, but no matter where you are your mind is a million miles away, and your heart is in Seattle.