He has her spending half her days wondering
when he’s going to come around,
and the other half wondering
where he goes after he walks out.

His eyes and ears had been stricken by so many encounters with so many tragedies, they’d been left scarred and numb. He was so used to being attacked, neglected, and hated, that he defend himself by default.  He wasn’t always like this, she could see it. When they would laugh together, he seemed to forget it all, and he would say things and do things she’d never expect from him. There were these amazing moments where everything about him - his voice, his posture, his eyes - change dramatically. Those were the moments she remembered the most, and those were the things she loved about him. But only minutes later he was back to the way he was. She desperately wished everyone could see him the way she saw him in those rare, beautiful moments. Time had made him better, but he was still broken. She was just hanging around, waiting for the day when his thoughts, his actions, and his feelings matched. She would probably be waiting forever, but it seemed a worthy cause.

She keeps a head full of secrets and a mouthful of lies.
She holds tricks up her sleeves and danger in her eyes.

In the far corner of the room was an orange colored couch which did not match any of the other furniture in the room. On it was a young girl who did not match any of the other people in the room. The room was dark, save for the light of the television, with darkly dressed people strewn about darkly colored furniture. The couch and the girl seemed to have been borrowed from another room, even another house. The rest of the group sat watching the television and chain smoking while the girl lay on her orange couch. She watched the ceiling fan chase its own tail and played idly with her hair, obviously bored. Bored with the television. Bored with the darkly dressed people. Bored with the darkness of the room.

I lost the one thing I had. I used to feel as if the entire world belonged to me, I used to feel as if I belonged to me, as if my future belonged to me. You took that from me. I no longer understand the world. I no longer have faith that I will make it to my dreams, or even that I will end up okay, because I no longer have a faith that anything is certain. I used to believe in me, but you took that from me.

When you took your life, you took the world I lived in, the world I felt I could conquer, and you shook it like a snow globe. And all of these things I thought I had figured out, and all of these things I understood, and all of these things I thought were concrete you threw in the air and they drifted around my head and settled somewhere new. My entire world was altered, everything I knew disturbed. 

And as all of this hit me, as it all sunk in, you shook me. You took me from this comfortable place and threw me in the air and let me drift around. But I haven’t landed.

Since you took your life, I’ve just been drifting.

The apartment had never been well lit, but with the light from Jady’s aquarium gone, you couldn’t even see who was sitting next to you. I missed the aquarium. I missed the buzz of the florescent light. I missed everything in that room, and every detail that I could remember from last May. All eleven of us who had crammed into that two bedroom apartment spent our evenings sitting on the floor, on arms of sofas and chairs. All of us talking at once. The noise, the spirit, the fresh feeling of youth in the room.

I missed what this place was before Jady had taken her aquarium. Before Jensen took his television and the radio (which actually belonged to Marcus). Before Erin had taken her bookshelf, books and knick knacks included. Before Marcus took Bethany and the dog. Before Lindsey took her life.

Jessie lit a cigarette. I watched the orange glow float from her lips to where it smoldered in the ash tray. She cleared her throat and after a heavy sigh said, ”This place is becoming more and more of a ghost town.”

you always find me, even in the dark of night.

Fear victories for what they warrant -
Our universe does not lie dormant
While you gain glory in every feat
You see, cat and mouse is never won
With the rodent always on the run 
The mouse must rest so the cat may eat